So it is about 2:30 in the morning and I sit upon a throne in IHOP. I just did things to the bathroom here that would make two girls one cup (so I hear) seem like a watered down version of everybody poops. But I tell you this, never have I used such a magically soft toilet paper in a public restroom. It’s how I would image rolling around in marshmallows naked would feel. I don’t know if that was the 15 coke-a-colas I’ve had or the extreme sleep deprivation either way my insides are smiling.